Monday, September 26, 2011

gaining it back

Two months ago I weighed 147 pounds.  I now weigh close to 167.  Twenty pounds isn't that dramatic of a swing, except when you're living in a state next to skeletal. Over the Fourth of July holiday, I vacationed in Vegas.  While memorable for many reasons that aren't positive, I turned a strange corner there:  I looked at myself in the mirror and realized how gaunt I had become.  Through a commitment to vegetarianism to get my weight down and address other health concerns, I forgot what it meant to eat.  I had backed myself into a nutritional comfort corner where nothing was enjoyable.  And, unlike previous phases in my life where health conditions whittled me away without my consent, I was fully responsible for the bony visage I was becoming.  It's what I thought people wanted me to be; specifically, what girls wanted me to be.

My epiphany came from wandering the streets alone in Vegas.  No one should feel alone in Vegas, not naturally.  And when I saw the withered reflection of myself in that dark mirror, the truth was undeniable.

This path wasn't working.

So I changed.  In a matters of days, I brought back my old ways, went from vegetarian to omnivore.  My body didn't fight back.  Overall, my energy levels increased in the coming weeks.  I gained weight fast in the places where I needed it.  The skeletal frame I had become filled itself back out, wrapped tightly in the dead flesh of other creatures.

I went from living at peace with the natural world... to consuming it.

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